personal space is very important to the swedes. you can see it in any place their PS might be challenged. for example outside the ATM there are clear yellow lines giving the swedish cash withdrawer his PS.
you can see it very clearly on the subway where, to my amazement, people would prefer to stay standing rather than sit next to a swede they don't know. for me it's wonderful, since there is always room for me to sit, but still i am always surprised to see more vacant seats than people standing.
the saying goes that a swedish personal space is about 1 meters.
another part of PS is the fact that you don't communicate with your fellow swedes on public transporation. they truly are a strange bunch sometimes. I once almost gave a swedish girl a heart attack when i asked her where i should get off. she was mumbling incoherently and was very uncomfortable. when she got over herself she was very nice and curtious, but before she did she was just being swedish.
another fine example of the so much needed PS would probably be rent. people in sweden don't really share flats with anyone. only recently it has become more common, and only if you have very good references from friends (see "how to hit on swedish girls" to read more about references and their importance), but you would hardly see that a few years ago. people would rather get their own flat, or pay more money, and not share a flat with someone they don't know.
sweden is actually spacey enough already - it's the third largest country in europe, with only 9 million people, but i guess as they say, you can take a swede out of sweden, but you can't take sweden out of the swede.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
the swedes are generally a content bunch, aspiring for "lagom" in all aspects of life, meaning not too good, not too bad, not too salty, not too sweet, not too anything, anything but extreme to any pole - just right. the lagomy way of life seems to be working for them quite well.
there is one thing that can really get a swede off balance, however, and that's the fear of getting a ticket, henceforth referred to as "a ticket" or "the ticket". the fear of getting "a ticket" is rooted deeply in the heart of the swedes, and goes hand in hand with their aspiration of lagom. you can get "a ticket" if you drive without your driver's license, and surely we wouldn't want that, and also if you get on the subway without paying, and that could really be disturbing. getting "a ticket" could seriously rock your world, and is probably the israeli equivalent of getting kidnapped by an angry militant muslim mob. sneaking in a club could also get you "a ticket". there are, however, brilliant ways to dodge getting "the ticket" (which is, by the way, give to you by "the police") - when you get "a ticket", "the police" will ask for your details, which you give them, usually without checking your details. you can, therefore, claim that "the ticket" was given to someone else who used your details. very brilliant, very dodgy.
I asked one of my newly acquired friends here, what happens if you simply not pay "the ticket". he thought for a minute, scratched his head, and replied: "i'm not sure, I don't know of anyone who hasn't".
that, ladies and gentleman, is lagom for you.
there is one thing that can really get a swede off balance, however, and that's the fear of getting a ticket, henceforth referred to as "a ticket" or "the ticket". the fear of getting "a ticket" is rooted deeply in the heart of the swedes, and goes hand in hand with their aspiration of lagom. you can get "a ticket" if you drive without your driver's license, and surely we wouldn't want that, and also if you get on the subway without paying, and that could really be disturbing. getting "a ticket" could seriously rock your world, and is probably the israeli equivalent of getting kidnapped by an angry militant muslim mob. sneaking in a club could also get you "a ticket". there are, however, brilliant ways to dodge getting "the ticket" (which is, by the way, give to you by "the police") - when you get "a ticket", "the police" will ask for your details, which you give them, usually without checking your details. you can, therefore, claim that "the ticket" was given to someone else who used your details. very brilliant, very dodgy.
I asked one of my newly acquired friends here, what happens if you simply not pay "the ticket". he thought for a minute, scratched his head, and replied: "i'm not sure, I don't know of anyone who hasn't".
that, ladies and gentleman, is lagom for you.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
how to pick up on a swedish girl
ok, so these are my obersvations and tips in case you want to hit on a swedish girl.
the rules of engagement in the swedish battlefield are quite simple and straightforward:
1. no sober swedish woman would ever agree to date you. this means that the battlefield, clearly, is set by the girl, and that would be - a club. if you can dance, your odds are improved markedly. if you cannot - i would suggest waiting later in the evening before you make a move, when your victim is in advanced stages of intoxication, at which point she doesn't realy care who you are, what is your name, and frankly not even your sexual orientation.
it's amazing to see how wasted they can get.
frankly, i think alcohol is what assures swedish procreation.
2. second (and thanks to my friend daniel for clearing that up), if you happen to actually date a swedish girl, please be advised that the chances of a second date are not far from the average northern-swedish temperature during wintertime, which is to say, close to nil. they are not into commitments, and if you are not highly recommended by a childhood friend (or as mentioned in article 1, arrive when alcohol levels reach critical levels), you will probably not see her again.
just a couple of observations for all you swedish seekers out there
the rules of engagement in the swedish battlefield are quite simple and straightforward:
1. no sober swedish woman would ever agree to date you. this means that the battlefield, clearly, is set by the girl, and that would be - a club. if you can dance, your odds are improved markedly. if you cannot - i would suggest waiting later in the evening before you make a move, when your victim is in advanced stages of intoxication, at which point she doesn't realy care who you are, what is your name, and frankly not even your sexual orientation.
it's amazing to see how wasted they can get.
frankly, i think alcohol is what assures swedish procreation.
2. second (and thanks to my friend daniel for clearing that up), if you happen to actually date a swedish girl, please be advised that the chances of a second date are not far from the average northern-swedish temperature during wintertime, which is to say, close to nil. they are not into commitments, and if you are not highly recommended by a childhood friend (or as mentioned in article 1, arrive when alcohol levels reach critical levels), you will probably not see her again.
just a couple of observations for all you swedish seekers out there
things are much simpler over dinner
I was invited to dinner in the house of susanna's friend. her friend is Iranian, and has been living in sweden for just a few years. Her husaband is iranian as well. His family was there too, including his parents who flew from Iran, as well as a few other siblings.
we had dinner, talked for a bit, had pistachios, and of course had some alcohol.
it was all very... regular and normal.
where's all the drama?
once again, people are people are people.
can I have some more of that rice?
we had dinner, talked for a bit, had pistachios, and of course had some alcohol.
it was all very... regular and normal.
where's all the drama?
once again, people are people are people.
can I have some more of that rice?
Friday, July 25, 2008
where man, god and tourists meet
the uppsala cathedral is one of the more impressive structures i've seen. stretching i-don't-know-how-many-meters long and wide, with all those pointy crossish thingies, gothic styles with all the scary faces, glasses all around and just basically making you feel like an ameba in the face of god. there are people buried in the floors, a creepy concept in itself for a jewish israeli, but hey, we chop off foreskins.
I walked around the enormous halls and stretched my neck to look at the floor. I saw statues and pictures of jesus and stories from the new and old testament. I saw a bunch of kings lying in their tombs, well, their marble versions at least.
there were a few organs there, each bigger than the other.
you can practically see the cathedral from all over town, and it's a good pointer if you ever get lost.
I walked around the enormous halls and stretched my neck to look at the floor. I saw statues and pictures of jesus and stories from the new and old testament. I saw a bunch of kings lying in their tombs, well, their marble versions at least.
there were a few organs there, each bigger than the other.
you can practically see the cathedral from all over town, and it's a good pointer if you ever get lost.
the right place to break your neck
have you ever wondered where are all the disabled and crippled in Israel? you don't really see them walking around. they can't really get on buses. they can't quite get to every government building (yet).
Some claim they have the exact same right as us perfect people to have fun. pfff.
anyway, that's something you notice in Uppsala very quickly.
they are all around.
in wheelchairs, with their caretakers, with their sticks - they are alive, they are around, and they blend in with their fellow people.
kind of neat to live like that, don't you think?
yet another point for sweden.
Some claim they have the exact same right as us perfect people to have fun. pfff.
anyway, that's something you notice in Uppsala very quickly.
they are all around.
in wheelchairs, with their caretakers, with their sticks - they are alive, they are around, and they blend in with their fellow people.
kind of neat to live like that, don't you think?
yet another point for sweden.
keep your mouth shut when walking uppsala at night
they are all over the place.
they are dodgy.
they are small.
they can make your life miserable.
they are flying ants.
they will get in your mouth, they will get under your pants, they will bite your ass.
they are - THE FLYING ANTS.
so, just a word of caution - when you're walking uppsala later in the day - beware of them motherbuggers.
taste buds in pain
I am starting to realize why swedes are so thin - good food is simply hard to come by.
I had salad with two friends in "a great salad place", and we had it by the river with a few ducks feasting in occasionally.
there was some bizarre dressing on top, and a very random mix of things that don't necessarily go together. as my friends were praising that thing, i thought to myself - the sorriest salad in aroma beats this.
the same goes for bread and cheese - i haven't had any decent ones so far.
the interesting thing is, swedes have really great materials to work with. the tomatoes are nice and juicy, the cows eat whatever it is that cows it that is nice and clean in the fresh air, there are amazing fields of wheat all over the place - it's just that process of actually making that into food that they are not great at (well, so far).
I swear, opening an Israeli restaurant around here would be a hit.
I had salad with two friends in "a great salad place", and we had it by the river with a few ducks feasting in occasionally.
there was some bizarre dressing on top, and a very random mix of things that don't necessarily go together. as my friends were praising that thing, i thought to myself - the sorriest salad in aroma beats this.
the same goes for bread and cheese - i haven't had any decent ones so far.
the interesting thing is, swedes have really great materials to work with. the tomatoes are nice and juicy, the cows eat whatever it is that cows it that is nice and clean in the fresh air, there are amazing fields of wheat all over the place - it's just that process of actually making that into food that they are not great at (well, so far).
I swear, opening an Israeli restaurant around here would be a hit.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
10pm sunday downtown Upssala - even the traffic lights to go sleep
It's not easy to find food in Upssala on sunday night. the streets are empty and the swedes are either hung over from saturday or just asleep.
Me and my friend susanna are searching desperately for food. we were about to give up as a "Max" sign shined in the distance.
"who is max?", i asked, wondering if he can give us some food
"you'll soon find out", replied my friend, and with her last strengths dragged me to good old max.
indeed, the one thing you can count on to be open on a sunday night is Max, the swedish version of Mcdonnalds.
You can feel the swedish ambiguity about burgers with the first bite. I mean, how hard is it to make a decent burger? yet, they are too dry, too flat, and magically resemble a shoe sole. I don't think they realy want to eat them anyway.
it does, however, explain why every average swede looks like a gym instructor.
I should take some pictures of dear old Max and put them here.
Me and my friend susanna are searching desperately for food. we were about to give up as a "Max" sign shined in the distance.
"who is max?", i asked, wondering if he can give us some food
"you'll soon find out", replied my friend, and with her last strengths dragged me to good old max.
indeed, the one thing you can count on to be open on a sunday night is Max, the swedish version of Mcdonnalds.
You can feel the swedish ambiguity about burgers with the first bite. I mean, how hard is it to make a decent burger? yet, they are too dry, too flat, and magically resemble a shoe sole. I don't think they realy want to eat them anyway.
it does, however, explain why every average swede looks like a gym instructor.
I should take some pictures of dear old Max and put them here.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
one big bathtub in the middle of stockholm
beaches are not easy to come by in this country. still, there's a reason every swedish person that lands in Israel runs straight to the sea and fries him/herself medium-well in the cancery sun.
therefore i was a little surprised to find a big lake 15 minutes walk from the train station, with the cleanest lake water i've seen so far. I swear, I felt cleaner after going IN the lake than before. Who thought this could even be possible. Seriously, I felt a shower would only make me dirty after a dip in that body of water.
It was a bit chilli, but very refreshing.
my last swim for the year, i guess, unless i get drunk and fall off the deck of a boat (which may still happen, stay tuned).
therefore i was a little surprised to find a big lake 15 minutes walk from the train station, with the cleanest lake water i've seen so far. I swear, I felt cleaner after going IN the lake than before. Who thought this could even be possible. Seriously, I felt a shower would only make me dirty after a dip in that body of water.
It was a bit chilli, but very refreshing.
my last swim for the year, i guess, unless i get drunk and fall off the deck of a boat (which may still happen, stay tuned).
Upsala is very green.
everywhere you look it's grass and trees. A few strange birds.
one of my favorite parts about this town (and parts of Stockholm as well) is that you can never starve to death. there are simply fruit trees everywhere. feel like eating an apple? please, just go ahead and pick one (or two!). cherries? s'il vous plait. Berries? why not.
the pits can just be spit everywhere, it's compost anyway.
This is really cool. and indeed, why not make the trees practical? I guess in Israel someone would soon enough bring a tractor and pick all of them to sell in the market, or something.
yet another point for Sweden.
everywhere you look it's grass and trees. A few strange birds.
one of my favorite parts about this town (and parts of Stockholm as well) is that you can never starve to death. there are simply fruit trees everywhere. feel like eating an apple? please, just go ahead and pick one (or two!). cherries? s'il vous plait. Berries? why not.
the pits can just be spit everywhere, it's compost anyway.
This is really cool. and indeed, why not make the trees practical? I guess in Israel someone would soon enough bring a tractor and pick all of them to sell in the market, or something.
yet another point for Sweden.
Krona is NOT a type of mexican beer
Sometimes it best to check things before just going at it. Not a necessity, but it can spare you the awkwardness of paying for your bus ticket with Euros, in a country that uses Kronas. I actually did know that, but somehow was sure Euros are generally good enough. The very kind lady at the information center said it’s true, but the rate is not so great.
Everyone is really helpful so far. I asked a bus driver where my bus is, but he explained with a smile and apology that he doesn’t know. Then the street cleaning guy asked me about the bus number, and as I looked around he pointed me to the now approaching bus… thanks to him I didn’t miss it.
It is 9:30 at night right now, and there is still enough light to power on my mom’s solar scale. And believe me, after 7 pm in our house there’s nothing you can do about it. How can these people sleep? I will soon find out. Seriously, it’s not like “it’s getting dark”, or that the street lights are on. There’s just damn light! Some people, and I won’t name names, sometimes go to sleep at these hours.Incredible!
Everyone is really helpful so far. I asked a bus driver where my bus is, but he explained with a smile and apology that he doesn’t know. Then the street cleaning guy asked me about the bus number, and as I looked around he pointed me to the now approaching bus… thanks to him I didn’t miss it.
It is 9:30 at night right now, and there is still enough light to power on my mom’s solar scale. And believe me, after 7 pm in our house there’s nothing you can do about it. How can these people sleep? I will soon find out. Seriously, it’s not like “it’s getting dark”, or that the street lights are on. There’s just damn light! Some people, and I won’t name names, sometimes go to sleep at these hours.Incredible!
in the beginning, there was an immigration officer
I decided to stop for a moment and start this blog. Perseverance is no a rule with me, so not sure how long this will last. But oh well, just like tax deduction, I will enjoy it as long as it lasts.
I took this first stop at the Arlanda airport. I am in the middle of a busy terminal, and I can hear my heart beating. I even got to know some new voices in my head. There are a couple of seats marked “for handicapped persons”. No one is sitting there. I noticed two things that immediately made me realize I am not home.
The first was at the passport control. There was an EU line and a regular line. The regular line was busy, the EU one empty. The immigration officer at the EU line was just starting in space, when a couple approached him. They were not EU. After a few seconds of trying to explain that it’s not his job to do this, he accepted them. Do you realize what this means for an Israeli? Doing EXTRA work for no particular reason? No way Jose (or Moses).
Anyway, just a couple of thoughts on my first landing in Sweden. So far (and that is from the air and from the walk towards the Terminal [See a poor photograph I took]), it is the greenest place I’ve seen.
And Yellow.
I never saw so many yellow people in one place. Hell, I didn’t know there were so many VARIATIONS of yellow in this world. It’s like the 400 brand of wheat, or something.
One thing is pissing me off, though.
No free Wi Fi at the airport. Is this supposed to be an advanced country, or what?
Ok, enough of this for now.
Off to the bus stop.
Cheers
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